#1. I am human.
This seems simple-yet many people seem to have this perception that I can do everything and do it perfectly! Guess what-I CANT! I am one person, just trying to handle the day-to-day issues of parenthood all while keeping my sanity. Thankfully, I have an awesome relationship with a God whom I lean on daily for guidance! He has helped me to realize that this deployment is out of my hands. For those of you who know me, I enjoy knowing the details and having a game plan. I am not ashamed to admit that I am very independent and used to doing things on my own (and doing them my way). Deployment has thrown all of this off key and it has helped me to rely on God more and me less. What a great blessing!!
#2. Going home doesn't always help.
I admit it, I went back home. I wanted help with our almost 2 year old son while finishing my degree. Was this the best idea? Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't! I had this magical perception that since we no longer live at home that our families would be thrilled to have us back and be more than willing to help me out with my son. Guess what? They have their daily lives that they are used to living without us. Let me say this before I go any further-I have had help during this deployment and am very grateful for the help! But from the outside looking in, sometimes it is like pulling teeth just to get help. Sometimes the stress of bouncing between 3 different houses in 2 different cities is more hassle than its worth just to save our BAH! (housing allowance for those that are not military). Did I mention packing up an entire house just to move back home? Oh, and in less than a year unpacking it all again!
#3. You will cave in to your child's whining.
I used to see myself as a strict parent. The reigns have somewhat loosened since being back home due to the fact of grandparents spoiling CJ. Not that there is anything wrong with that, don't get me wrong! However, my sanity can only take so much! I admit that I have purchased a toy or given candy while strolling through Target when he really didn't need it, but to shut him up. I take no shame in sacrificing his immediate satisfaction for my occasional sanity! I catch myself doing this more often that I had initially intended. I keep telling myself that I am channeling my husband in an attempt to be the "fun" parent. See picture below.
#4. People will constantly ask about your spouse.
Hearing the phrase, "Have you heard from J today?" gets old. Sometimes just the thought of talking to J makes me want to scream! And people don't understand that. Yes, they are family and it is hard for them too. Just remember that it is slightly harder on the spouse because not only are they trying to keep it together for themselves, they have to try and keep the pieces together for the children too. And guess what? I fail at it every day in some shape or fashion. (Please refer back to #1!)
#5. Something is going to go wrong!
Just accept this as a part of deployment. Better yet, anytime your spouse is gone for training of any sort! Prime example- the first time J was away, our landlord decided to break into our basement and run an extension cord outside the house and use our electricity illegally. This led to threats of lawsuits and calling the cops. All of this happened while I was at the beach with my sister-in-law! Another time, I was involved in a car accident. This time, I have managed to lock myself out of my Jeep-that has the technology to prevent this exact incident from even happening-in my parents' driveway! Thankfully, CJ wasn't in the car when this happened or I would have been busting out the windows! Oh, and last week I was involved in a hit-and-run. If you go into a deployment with the mindset that there will be some type of "incident", it will not be such a shock when it does happen. I have told my husband that he needs to just stay home, because every time he leaves, the crazies come out!!
#6. The time does NOT fly by.
It never fails. Deployment gets brought up in conversation, and the very next question is "How long has he been gone?" After I respond people begin the lie of how quickly the time must be flying by. No. No. NO! Time is not flying by! Every single day seems to be slowly drawing on. Am I keeping myself as busy as possible to help pass the time. Yes! I'm in my last semester of my undergrad, working a part time job, and keeping my son alive. I think I've maxed out my schedule enough to keep myself more than busy. Does that make the time go by any faster. Not really. Please don't feed me irritating misconceptions about time just to make me feel better.
#7. My husband is jealous.
Believe it or not, but my husband is jealous of me. He is jealous that I get to spend so much time with CJ and he doesn't. Even if I am ready to just stuff him full of candy and let him watch Frozen all day while I just lay on the couch like a zombie. Yes, you read correctly, he is obsessed with "Snowman"-aka Frozen. My husband has been gone almost every major milestone CJ has had. CJ had changed so much since J left. He is super thankful for modern technology and having the ability to FaceTime often to see how he is growing and becoming a smart little man. I take for granted the time I have with my son. I was never thrilled with the thought of being a SAHM to begin with, but also couldn't justify forking over an arm and the name of my unborn child for childcare. CJ was 22 months old before we had been apart more than just overnight. This deployment I ventured to Salt Lake City without him and felt lost. God has shown me (through the deployment) that I am very lucky to be able to stay home with Carson. There are so many working moms that would kill for the chance to do what I do. I picked up the part time job during the deployment to give myself a little space from him. He needs to be around his grandparents and all of his uncles and aunt. Even with the part time job, it has helped show me a little bit of what my husband feels like when CJ screams "Mommy!!" as I''m walking through the door.
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| My little "Snowman"! |
#8 Diets.
WHO CARES! When J first left, I was determined that I would be super skinny by the time he returned. Then, after people watching at Disney this past summer, it occurred to me. I was comparing my body to other women's bodies who may or may not have been through the same things my body had. I am not saying that having a child should be an excuse to be lazy. But I am saying that I do not have to be skinny for my husband to love me and no one else's opinion of my body matters! If I have a little bit of a "baby belly", it is okay! I want to set a good example of what a woman should be for CJ. Starving myself or trying to make my waist look small to impress someone only shows my son that his future wife needs to be like that too. I don't want that for him. I want him to fall in love with a woman for more than her looks. I enjoy knowing that I can eat a bowl of ice cream or indulge on a few bad eating habits and not have to worry about fitting into a size 0. I have managed to lose 5 lbs since J has been gone, and I'm not trying to cut calories or starve myself. I try to watch what I eat, but being in school and working doesn't always make it easy to dine in every night.
These 8 things are just a few of the many realities that one might encounter during a deployment. I'm sure I missed some, but since we are still going through the deployment, maybe this will lead to a part 2 post! Take this time your spouse is gone to find yourself-read a new book series, go to the gym, train for a marathon, or go back to school. Your options are up to you! Have any you want to add? Feel free to comment and let me know!
