This post is for all the mothers who have ever doubted themselves.
Motherhood. One of the greatest blessings and also one of the biggest heartaches.
As moms, we constantly struggle with the multiple choices we have to make daily. We tend to over analyze every detail when it comes to our children. It's normal. I don't know any mom who doesn't want the very best for their children.
Last month, our family welcomed our beautiful baby girl into the world. Trying to adjust to life with a newborn again has been interesting (to say the least)! Sleep is a thing of the past, and my toddler reminds me of that daily! Coffee is my best friend again! The joys of a newborn also bring about multiple choices that have to be made. Of course, lets make all sorts of decisions when we are doing our best to get two or three hours of sleep. (That sure makes a lot of sense!)
Over the past few weeks, our baby girl has had some struggles with feeding. To make a long story short, because I had a repeat cesarean my milk took longer to come in than normal. Baby C started out doing great, but ultimately lost more weight than is considered in the "safe" zone. Our doctor informed us that formula feeding our daughter was necessary for her to gain back the weight she had lost. As a mother, this broke my heart. I could tell that she was still hungry after I tried to nurse her. I tried to keep a positive attitude during our nursing sessions. I didn't want to have a major meltdown and risk it keeping my milk from coming in. Then, once my milk finally came in, we noticed that C had a horrible reflux issue along with latching issues (so I switched to exclusively pumping). Every feeding was shortly followed by multiple projectile pukings. It got so bad, we were terrified to lay her on her back to sleep because we feared that she would aspirate during the middle of the night. We then switched her back to a sensitive formula and have yet to have any problems with her.
I'm sharing this with you, to make my point. I'm still a good mom and so are you! My story may not be the same as yours, but there is always something that makes us question whether or not we are a good parent.
During the past few weeks, I have mentally struggled with the choice to quit pumping and switch Baby C to formula full time. I say that I struggled, because I felt like my child resented me. She would cry nonstop every time I held her. Nothing I did helped. I felt useless. I questioned why I was this child's mother if everything I did was wrong. I have talked to several other mothers (formula and breastfeeding moms) about their choices with their children and why they chose what they did. I have prayed and asked God for guidance on what to do. Ultimately, I found myself coming back to the same thought. "I'm failing as a mother if I choose to formula feed vs giving her breastmilk."
THIS IS NOT TRUE!
I have basically had to re-program my brain to tell myself this every morning. I'm still a good mom! A fed baby (and sane mother) are what is best!
I want to help bring awareness to the countless amounts of mom shaming that happens daily. It is so easy to shame others for making choices that are different that the ones we make. Social media makes this very easy. Any given week, I can probably find one or two mom friends of mine who post something about how people who use disposable diapers are "lazy", or formula feeding is the "easy way out". However, we are all in different seasons of life. The mom that lives down the street who cloth diapers her first baby is no better than the mom who has 2 small children and used disposables on her baby. Also, the mom who formula feeds her child is just as equal as the mom who breastfed all of her kids until they were 2. Everyone has reasons for making the choices they make. Sometimes we forget that choices are not simple to make. I should also state that I include myself in this. Before I became a mother, I was super quick to pass judgement on mothers who chose formula over breastfeeding, not realizing that sometimes it isn't a choice that is easy to make. You never know what that mother has endured to make the choices she did. The mom you are shaming for using formula may have struggled to produce breastmilk, even with the help of prescription medication. My daughter struggled with breastmilk and it was best for her to switch to formula, but my son had breastmilk until he was a year old. It still breaks my heart that I wasn't able to have the same breastfeeding relationship with her as I had with my son. A family member made a comment a few days ago while having a conversation with my child and I, "We tried to starve you the first few days, but now you're eating so good!" This person had no clue that what they said was so offensive. The choice to personally give up breastfeeding/pumping and switch to formula was not an easy one.
So for all the moms out there, You're still a good mom! Keep your head up and know that you've got this!!
Essentially,
Andrea
